I have been reading through some of my older posts and I am disappointed in myself. There is a lot of negativity in some of my posts. And that is not who I want to be.
Depression is something I struggle with. It has been especially bad the past few weeks. And I don't want to be a person who is depressed. I lost my passion for blogging awhile ago. Wondering if I was a narcissist. I think for a while maybe I kind of was. The truth is that I don't feel superior to ANYONE. In fact, it is pretty much the opposite. But blogging brought me a kind of happiness. There is a little satisfaction I got if someone left me a comment, or validated my little life in some small way. And I do have a small life. So I stopped blogging for awhile. analyzing myself and everything I wrote. And it made me even more sad. Keeping everything inside made me miss the connections I have made online.
So I am upgrading my blog to a more lovely place. I re-posted my music gadget. I am reading this book called Musicophilia. About the real power of music and the brain, and about how it is so powerful, and even where it comes from is beyond the ability of most mortals. The book is written by the same author of AWAKENINGS, (remember the Robin Williams/Robert DiNero movie that was so cool and everyone loved? Same phychaitrist.) How music combats depression, and it speaks to everyone on a spiritual level. It can make us happy, or intensify any other emotion we may be having. So while some may think my choice of music is corny and childish, it also goes beyond that. My selections are sweet, magical, and full of hope. And they make me happy. And this is going to be a more happy place from now on. Even if I don't feel so happy. I feel like if I keep pretending to be happy, maybe I will be.
Inspite of all the things I can think of that irritate me, are upsetting, sad, and wrong with the world and my own personal life, I am not going to put them here. I am trying to create a happy place amidst the storms and pounding rains of life. I love my family and am trying to stay focused on the bright side. It's not easy. But at least here I can have a little safe haven full of fun times and lovely moments. Good memories that can get us through the darkest days of our lives, and remind us to find the beauty in the small things that keep us together and make our lives a little more bright.
Peanut Butter Chunkers
2 weeks ago