Saturday, April 27, 2013

War Horse

So I have not done a public post for a long long time.  I still  blog, but started just keeping things more private, just for myself.  I have changed a lot in the past 2 years.  And I have realized one thing that I know for certain.  Life is hard.  But no matter how dark things get, something will come to help us get through it. 

I read somewhere that people who can lose themselves in movies do not have a firm grip on reality and are somewhat neurotic.  Knowing that everyone falls into some kind of spectrum in some kind of mental illness, I will accept that as I write how I feel about the movie War Horse.

I thought about this movie all throughout the last year.  How during a time of War, when people were suffering all kinds of physical, emotional and spiritual anguish, this horse would come into their lives for a short time.  He was always there.  Even though he didn't lift the burden,  he was a beautiful presence in their lives.  I also noticed that the people who found this horse were all good, decent people just trying to do what was right.  It was a beautiful message, and one I have thought about over and over again. 

My life has not turned out the way I have planned.  But in some ways, it is even better.  I see improvements I need to make in many areas.  I need to take better care of myself and my body.  I need to be more patient with the sweet children that are in my care everyday.

I have taken to say that I love my job, but hate working.  Only because so many things have gone to the wayside at home.  I used to feel like I was a really great mom.  Now, I am just a tired mom.  Entering into the adolescent phase partnered with a full time consuming job has made me feel like I pretty much fall short every single day. 

I have watched many other friends struggle with life changing events and feel like I need to be more helpful and supportive to them.  But I feel like I am functioning at full capacity, and sometimes I just feel like I want to lock myself in my room and sleep for days at a time.  During this past winter, there were several Saturdays I did do just that.  Winter has been long, dark and cold.  But on days like today, when the sun is out, I work in the yard with Jeff, and plan out an herb garden, my heart feels happy.  Summer is coming.  It is almost here!