So I have not done a public post for a long long time. I still blog, but started just keeping things more private, just for myself. I have changed a lot in the past 2 years. And I have realized one thing that I know for certain. Life is hard. But no matter how dark things get, something will come to help us get through it.
I read somewhere that people who can lose themselves in movies do not have a firm grip on reality and are somewhat neurotic. Knowing that everyone falls into some kind of spectrum in some kind of mental illness, I will accept that as I write how I feel about the movie War Horse.
My life has not turned out the way I have planned. But in some ways, it is even better. I see improvements I need to make in many areas. I need to take better care of myself and my body. I need to be more patient with the sweet children that are in my care everyday.
I have taken to say that I love my job, but hate working. Only because so many things have gone to the wayside at home. I used to feel like I was a really great mom. Now, I am just a tired mom. Entering into the adolescent phase partnered with a full time consuming job has made me feel like I pretty much fall short every single day.
I have watched many other friends struggle with life changing events and feel like I need to be more helpful and supportive to them. But I feel like I am functioning at full capacity, and sometimes I just feel like I want to lock myself in my room and sleep for days at a time. During this past winter, there were several Saturdays I did do just that. Winter has been long, dark and cold. But on days like today, when the sun is out, I work in the yard with Jeff, and plan out an herb garden, my heart feels happy. Summer is coming. It is almost here!
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