Friday, March 18, 2011

"They Will Hold"

"They will hold." What Aragon said when Gandolf told him he would find reinforcements on the 5th day. The people of Rohan were going to the fortress of Helms Deep to flee from the army of Saurumon. "The defenses will HAVE to hold."
"They will hold."
There was no doubt or question in his answer. "They will hold."

I have watched the 3 Lord of the Rings movies a lot the past few weeks. I know many people would not understand. But there are those who understand perfectly. That these movies, and the truths that are evidence in them are a source of strength. An analogy of all that is hopeful. Enduring to the end, never losing faith, and that THE SUN WILL RISE. If we can just hold on, as best we can, even though the enemy is beating down the gates, and the walls are caving in. Even if our courage hangs by a thread. If we can believe in eachother, and stand together, even though we think the night cannot possibly get blacker, and then it starts to rain. If we can gather our resources of strength about us and fall back when we have to, but still never surrender...the reinforcements will arrive.

I am waiting for the reinforcements. Struggling against everything that I feel is stacked against me. Being so depressed about the circumstances that I am currently in. Pretending to be happy and optimistic, when in reality I feel hopeless and scared about getting through the next couple of months. I try to live my life like nothing has changed. Trying to stay happy and make life fun for my kids, and myself. I try to find things to look forward to, but my schedule is starting to catch up with me. Between working extra hours whenever I can and taking classes to re-certify, I am getting pretty used up. Physically and emotionally. It's hard. And I have days when I am mad about the whole situation and start to place blame...on Jeff. Even though he is wonderful and I know he is trying, it's hard. But then I watch the Two Towers again, and I remember: My defenses will have to hold. I don't know how long this is going to take. The night is dark. The Orcs are pounding and chanting at the gates, and it is just about to rain. But I know if I can get through the night...if I can just continue to be in survival mode...if I can keep fulfilling my callings and keep my faith even when things are hard, the sun will rise.

I just hope it's soon.


Ginni Bingham LeVar said...

Our prayers are with you. The kids pray for you too. We love you and hope things turn around very soon and that your burdens are made light so you can withstand them.

Greg & Andrea said...

It's sad to say but it seems like the hard times are going around right now. I am so sorry that you guys have to go through this trial but just like I keep telling myself, "this too shall pass." And things really will get better. I love that line from LOTR. I really do think of that everyday. And I'm glad you expressed how you are feeling. It really does feel good to get it all out there doesn't it? You and your family will get through this and I will keep you in my prayers. Love you.