Friday, February 20, 2009

Inadequate

Yes, that's me. Yesterday I stopped by my good friend Michelle's house, unannounced, at about 6:45 pm. She is my Treasure for PTA. I had some checks for her to sign. Her daughter opened the door and invited me in. To my left, I walked by an immaculate kitchen with a beautifully set table and a bowl of fruit salad in the middle of the matching red plates and stemmed water glasses. Complete with folded napkins and all of the silverware in the right place. I walked past the kitchen and into the family room where her daughter and son were practicing music together, one on the piano, the other, the guitar. Her oldest daughter, the sterling scholar at Jordan High, sat in a big comfortable chair studying french while the other daughter went back to the computer to finish her essay before Dad, the Bishop, got home. Michelle was in her cute little apron, going through the checkbook, making sure it was balanced. I immediately felt inadequate. On so many levels. To make it even worse, as I complemented her on this scene of the perfect home, she, being the sweet and unpretentious mom and friend that she is, started to downplay the whole scene, something about how if I had just been there on Sunday when everyone was in tears, or how she doesn't have small children anymore and her kids are big enough to help, and she is not PTA blah, blah, blah...

I think I would have felt a lot better about the whole thing if she was conceited, or pretentious, or proud of being the great mother and homemaker that she is. She's not. She's gracious and sweet and kind. A lot of my friends are. I just feel inadequate.

9 comments:

Kylie said...

Don't worry Rachel, you're not alone! I totally feel inadequate on a daily basis! You are such a sweet person and you seem like the funnest mom ever! So just know, I think you're awesome. =)

Lucy said...

That is so interesting.... On Friday I was checking out your blog (being that I am new to blogging and being nosey!!)and I was looking at all the pictures of the crafts, projects and science experiments and just good old fun that you have with Derek and Clint and felt....wait for it, COMPLETLY INADEQUATE!!seriously, It makes me so sad when I see others that I think are so amazing in so many ways judge themselves so harshly, but I know that I do it too, I looked at your pictures and thought, I am such a boring Mother, It is no wonder that my Boys LOVE coming to your house, I have to make being at home more fun for them, I always said I wanted our home to be the cool place where the Boys and their friends wanted to hang out but if I continue to be more worried about making a mess of my tidy house its not going to happen!! We all have our things that we do well and our things that we don't, but I guess what I'm trying to say is we need to stop comparing our weaknesses with others strengths and admit that we are good at something it might not be someone elses thing but it is our thing!!!
Clint, Derek and Jeff are incredibly blessed to have you in their lives x

Greg & Andrea said...

I think every Mom can relate to that in one way or another. And you have to remember that we are all given different talents and are good at different things. I often feel inadequate when I see Moms like you that always have fun creative things for their kids to do. Or like to try new meals, or being really into their kids lives by doing things like PTA President! Or taking their kids on fun outings. I just hope that I can be the kind of mom you are as my girls get older. You are a wonderful Mother an wife. Your family is beautiful, talented and happy because of you. But I know how you feel and I think it's pretty normal for us all to feel that way every now and again but just remember that you are a wonderful Mother and do a great job raising two amazing boys.

Rachel B said...

THanks you guys...of course the 3 of you are some of the moms I am talking about that have it all together...but I love you and appreciate your kind words. Thanks for being my friends.

Kylie said...

I think we all feel inadequate no matter what because there's always other people to compare ourselves to. I'm really trying to stop comparing myself and just try to play to my strengths. Life is a journey right?

Thanks for the comment on my blog Rachel! I'm glad your friends liked the jewelry. =)

Laryl said...

Every day!! Thats how I feel EVERY DAY! (and why I'll never do a blog...) Michelle is awesome, and a tough act to follow for sure. Janet and I went over there one night to get some homework from Colin and it was just as you described...beyond perfect. BUT... I agree with what everyone above has said. We all have strengths and shouldn't compare or compete. Love ya!!

Miranda said...

Hey...you have YOUR strengths that I wish I had...stop comparing yourself...I love YOU for YOU.

Laura said...

Rachel you are awesome and I love you for who you are! Don't even feel inadequate- so what if your dinner table doesnt look like that...it doesn't matter. I've seen a million pictures of your dinner table full of fun and creative crafts with half the neighborhood crowding around learning something cool! We are so lucky to have you showing us fun and educational things we can do with our kids. Thanks for always sharing those things with us! You make us better teachers in the home!! Love ya!!

Rachel B said...

Thanks Everybody