The Tide

This was suppose to be the year. The year the tide finally turned and all of our financial problems would come to an end. I had an indisputable urge this past fall to get my teaching certificate re-newed, and by this time next year we would be on top of the world. All of our money troubles would be over with. Both my boys would be in school at the same time I would be. We would have two decent sized incomes. I started dreaming of new cars and family vacations. Everything was going to be wonderful. Easy. Perfect. For the first time ever, money would not be an issue.
But I had no right to dream of such things. In fact, I feel like I am being punished for thinking them. And maybe I am.
Jeff lost his job yesterday. I am in shock. I shouldn't be. Jeff has had to let a lot of people go the over the past 2 years. I guess I just really thought he was safe. He wasn't. No one really is. The whole thing has come at a really bad time. For the first time in our married life, we won't have insurance, which is what I am the most worried about. Clint needs braces, we are still in strep and flu season, Derek gets toothaches sometimes...
Next year, if I can get hired as a teacher somewhere, we will have insurance again. And the education system has great insurance...and now I fully understand, and am so grateful for the overwhelming need I had to re-certify. I know Heavenly Father was looking out for us then, and was trying to tell me what I needed to prepare for. I am ready to do it. I am also ready to do what is necessary to help our family understand what it is Heavenly Father wants us to learn from this. Or where he wants us to go. In spite of how awful the whole thing is, and how typical of me it is to think the worse, the only thing I feel right now it gratitude. I am so grateful that Jeff didn't lose his job when Derek was a baby. I am so grateful I was able to be a stay at home mom when it was so important. I am so grateful that I have a teaching certificate. I am so grateful we are healthy and strong, have a good community and families to help get us through this. I am grateful for Jeff, Clint and Derek. I am feeling strong at the moment. Opening myself up for the possibilities the future holds. Getting ready to accept whatever happens next. Realizing I need Heavenly Father now more than ever. I know I won't be able to hold on to this feeling forever, but I guess I thought maybe if I wrote about it, it just might stick around a little longer. I hope I can stay strong. I will do the best I can.