I see the Light

Self-esteem

It's always been really important for me to have everyone like me. Sometimes I do and say things that are stupid. Sometimes I don't know how to deal with situations and am not completely straight forward because I am worried and think of the easiest way to deal with things. I feel like I have lost a lot of friends over the years. I find myself tearing my personality apart agonizing over things I could or should have done differently. I wonder what people say about me when I am not around. I wonder who my friends really are. I feel alone, and turn back to Heavenly Father. I try to focus on my relationship with him, and I know that really, the only thing I truly need to worry about is where I stand with him. I get mad at myself that I let so many other distractions continue to get in the way with my relationship with him, and things that keep me doing what I can for others who need my help. I seem to focus on people who don't really like me and try to think of ways to bring them back around while there are good, sweet, loyal and wonderful people waiting for me to bring them more into my life. So much of my energy is wasted on people who don't want or care what I have to offer. I feel like my relationship with Jeff is better than I deserve. I often feel like I have to tone my relationship down when I hear other people talking about their marriages because I love Jeff so much and he is so sweet and patient with me and he is always there. I love my nieces and my sisters. I love my brother. I love my kids and I LOVE all of the kids in my little community. I sometimes feel unappreciated. I wish I didn't care. But again, the only one I have to feel okay with is Heavenly Father. I need to remember to focus on that. I need to forgive, and move on and fill my life with people who care. I just wish I could remember that.

A few days ago my friend called me to get a recipe for lemon bars. She had to make them for a work meeting she had the following day. I could tell she was stressed. She had been working all day, had a family to take care of when she got home, had church meetings that night, and had to make lemon bars on top of that somewhere during the evening. I asked her if she just wanted me to make them for her. "NO NO no no no...no...I just need the recipe." I read it to her over the phone and she hung up. I had this nagging feeling that I should just call her and make them. But I have over-stepped my bounds before. I have even offended people by wanting to help. Every time you offer service, you run a risk of doing something wrong or being rejected. I have done it. Many times. The key is to be closer to Heavenly Father so you can know when someone really needs you or not. I am only there maybe 20% of the time. So I feel like I always run a risk. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I called her and told her I had already started and was making the bars for her...complete silence on the other end of the phone followed by "thank you.....you have no idea..." I hung up the phone and felt the overwhelming acknowledgement of the Holy Ghost that covered me with that confirmation that at least this time I had gotten it right. The feeling didn't last. A few minuets later I was overcome by all of the times the previous week that I hadn't done anything right...I recognized the work of a very different power immediately and prayed to Heavenly Father there standing in the kitchen to make it go away...and it did. With me asking for forgiveness and the ability to recognize and accomplish the things I should do. I'm trying. Falling short constantly, but trying. Thinking of so many people I should apologize to, and looking for ways to realize that others who have hurt me are just trying to get by as best they can. Realizing that every day I can start again and try to be even better. I am so grateful for time. More than anything else, for time, so I can try to keep getting it right.

Painting Proficiency

But there are just so many ways to paint.... Marble Painting...

Makes the coolest composite of lines....

Printmaking by painting on one side of the paper and then folding your paper in half to make the print...

Drawing your favorite animals and objects with paintbrushes...

Printing using different objects and textures...

These big sheets of butcher paper will be used for wrapping paper this Christmas. It really looks amazing with thick gold ribbon. Always a hit with the grandparents...It's best to paint right on the objects with a paintbrush to get a mix of colors before making the print on the paper... Looks Good!!!

Then there is the race car painting...always a hit to make those colorful roads all over!

And it's fun to experiment with whatever we can find in the kitchen drawers....

Painting is fun....

And even "funner" with friends!

A Peacock and A Cheetah

Derek was the yellow power ranger this year so he could fit in with the big boys. But he changed into Harry Potter on the actual Halloween which was on Sunday. When a Peacock and a Cheetah showed in, he didn't want to be a Power Ranger anymore.
I love these girls so much. I am so happy they come up from Provo every once in a while to hang out with us. We roamed the neighborhood for awhile and had our wildlife Halloween photo shoot.

Jacquie doing her Peacock version of Karate Kid...

I talked Hannah into doing a lazy cat shot in our neighbors hammock. It was harder than it looks to get in that Hammock with those heels on...

And Clint also decided to change up his costume. The green power ranger does not look as cool without his entourage...But Master Chief looks awesome with a couple of wildlife babes...
The shoes make the jungle animal...

We had Halloween Nachos for dinner. And pumpkin pancakes with cinnamon black syrup for dessert, along with pumpkin pie, and trick or treat candy.Jacquie and Hannah sang all of the songs from the Prince of Egypt and Wicked during dinner. Then we watched Stardust because Jacquie had never seen it. A very good choice of a lovely Halloween movie night.

My nachos were yummy!!! And so was everything else.