Clint...growing up

Clint is not around much anymore when I get the camera out. He gets himself up every morning at 6:40 AM while I am still at the gym. I get home at about 7:10 and drive him and Talon to school. He comes home at about 3:00 PM and goes downstairs to play x-box until I kick him off. He goes to guitar practice on Mondays, Scouts on Wednesdays. He watches his little brother when I ask, takes out the garbage, feeds and walks the dog, does his homework, gets good grades, stays out of trouble, and plays air-soft on the weekends. He still loves to read, but is now reading adult science fiction like Halo and Enders Game. He knows more than me about my ipod and computer. He gets the x-box to himself on Friday nights. He chooses good friends to play on-line with, is offended by bad language, and sleepwalks when he is over-tired. He is a good boy. I hope with all my heart he stays that way. I hope I have done enough for him. Because my influence on his is waining. I hope he always makes the right choices and has the strength to be a good influence to his friends. I hope he realizes how wonderful he is. And that he always knows that his family loves him. And is proud of him and all he has accomplished and will continue to achieve. He is on the right track. I hope he always stays on the path. Love you Clint, even though you are not around for the science experiments and art projects as much. xoxoxo

Fixed

Our dryer broke. Died. Completely Dead.

This was after my complete breakdown, with me sobbing on the basement floor wondering how in the world we were going to be able to find the money to buy a new dryer, with visions of me trying to find time between my 3 jobs to carry a broken legged Derek and laundry baskets into the laundromat and entertaining him for 2 hours while I waited for the laundry to finish, fold and drag back out to the car. The entire scene was way too much... But Jeff fixed it. Took the entire thing apart, found the problem, found the new part and put it all back together again. Fixed. And once again, he fixed me. Money may always be tight. But thanks to Jeff and his knowledge of how to fix anything from plumbing, to cars, to Computers, I think we will always be okay. I just am always impressed and so grateful for his mechanical abilities. I feel safe. And lucky. I feel, once again, fixed.

No snakes in the house!

As if anyone EVER listens to me in this house....

Jeff found this snake inside the post office and thought Derek would like it. They let it go in the back yard. It was a sweet thing for Jeff to do, but I really don't like snakes.

Teammates

I cried twice today. Once when I read this story to the 3rd Graders, and again in the 6th grade room.
People who stand for something and make a diffrence in this world for good. Am I doing all I can to make a diffrence in this world? Do I really care enough about anything to want to? What do I really believe in? Am I doing enough? Am I really that brave? Am I right? Am I?

Neglect

It's been almost 2 weeks since Derek broke his leg on the neighbor's tramp... So this is a different neighbor... and Derek can jump pretty good with that cast... And he is still pretty good with a lightsaber. Come to think of it, I am quite sure that most Jedi's have serious injuries at one time or another.
I can't keep him down anymore. The Dr. said he could walk on it as long as it didn't hurt. We are going with the same rule for playing. It's just a fracture, so it wasn't out of place. And it can't move even a centimeter in that cast.

I never said I was mother of the year...hopefully no one will call child protective services.

Heaven

Broken Leg

Derek broke his leg today. What is the bright side of this? Well....

• He is not in a lot of pain


• I get to stay home for a few more days with him


• We have insurance


• Clint is treating him nicely


• My friend brought me dinner


• I get to skip my work-out tomorrow

...I could go into all the reasons why this is frustrating and stressing me out...but I won't. I'll just try to stay focused on what I said I would...for now, at least.

New Title, New Blog

I have been reading through some of my older posts and I am disappointed in myself. There is a lot of negativity in some of my posts. And that is not who I want to be.

Depression is something I struggle with. It has been especially bad the past few weeks. And I don't want to be a person who is depressed. I lost my passion for blogging awhile ago. Wondering if I was a narcissist. I think for a while maybe I kind of was. The truth is that I don't feel superior to ANYONE. In fact, it is pretty much the opposite. But blogging brought me a kind of happiness. There is a little satisfaction I got if someone left me a comment, or validated my little life in some small way. And I do have a small life. So I stopped blogging for awhile. analyzing myself and everything I wrote. And it made me even more sad. Keeping everything inside made me miss the connections I have made online.

So I am upgrading my blog to a more lovely place. I re-posted my music gadget. I am reading this book called Musicophilia. About the real power of music and the brain, and about how it is so powerful, and even where it comes from is beyond the ability of most mortals. The book is written by the same author of AWAKENINGS, (remember the Robin Williams/Robert DiNero movie that was so cool and everyone loved? Same phychaitrist.) How music combats depression, and it speaks to everyone on a spiritual level. It can make us happy, or intensify any other emotion we may be having. So while some may think my choice of music is corny and childish, it also goes beyond that. My selections are sweet, magical, and full of hope. And they make me happy. And this is going to be a more happy place from now on. Even if I don't feel so happy. I feel like if I keep pretending to be happy, maybe I will be.

Inspite of all the things I can think of that irritate me, are upsetting, sad, and wrong with the world and my own personal life, I am not going to put them here. I am trying to create a happy place amidst the storms and pounding rains of life. I love my family and am trying to stay focused on the bright side. It's not easy. But at least here I can have a little safe haven full of fun times and lovely moments. Good memories that can get us through the darkest days of our lives, and remind us to find the beauty in the small things that keep us together and make our lives a little more bright.

Happy April!

My April Fool's stand-by joke. Clint doesn't fall for it anymore, but Derek still did. (it's Jell-O, by the way).

And the Legos were all Derek's idea

LEGOMANIACS Rule!!!!

Happy April.

April Snowstorm (A month and a half late)

The night before April first, Mother Nature decided to play the ultimate trick. A massive snow storm. And after an entire winter of dry and useless powder, we finally got some sticky, good packing snow. The problem was, my kids were already in bed for the night. It was 10:00 PM.If I waited til morning, the snow would probably be all dried out again. What to do, what to do. I weighed the pros and cons quickly in my head. Peace and quite night, or finally being able to build a snowman this year. Probably our last chance. Did I want to miss the photo opportunities? Would I look back on this night and think, "I wish we would have woken up and played in the snow..."My impractical side won. Sometimes it's for the best. Other times, not so much. But this time in particular, I'm glad it did.We blasted the Wright's house with snowballs, hoping someone over there would be brave enough to come out and join us. Delaney was, as she usually is. We built our snowman. I didn't have any of the usual snowman stuff on hand. But I found some things to make it work. A baby carrot nose, 2 blue marble eyes, and pennies for a smile.Jeff and Clint think they're funny...I try not to tell them if they are or not...The next morning we tried to go sledding, which was another thing we have not been able to do all year. The day started out nice enough, but by the time we got to the hill, we had a storm starting.We tried to play anyways, but it was pretty miserable.
Cold, windy, wet...

Even Rex had had enough after a few mineuts and was just hanging out by the car waiting for us to finish up so he could get back inside.

We did stop at 7-eleven on the way home for donuts and hot chocolate. The best part of the day...but the snowman last night was fun. Definately worth the effort of a very late night.